Alone Again, Wonderful World.

Undergoing quite a difficult time now. My best friend and lover deserted me out of nowhere. I am somehow glad that he has the Lord’s interest for this breakup, but I feel upset that he left me just like that without a proper closure, not even a freaking telephone call! Now, I am left floating and hanging on what to do next. I admit I really loved him, and he is the first man I have ever loved immensely, but I guess I pushed him away by my nagging and by being an extreme worrier. I learned my lesson well; the next time I give my love to someone, I will not hold on to him tight, just right for him to know I am concerned, at the same time I am willing to give him freedom to pursue whatever he wanted.

Still, it really hurt. I wake up in the middle of the night crying after having dreams of him visiting my family, wherein everything is all right, and everything has a happy ending. Am I the only one feeling miserable right now? I guess I am, and I just want this to stop soon, but until then I will never know when I will ever be fully okay again.

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Porcelain Mask

The truth hurts yet liberates, so they say.
You’re the only one who’ve pained me this way.
You saw the rottenness, namely, my face.
My heart was upset, I clammed up for days.
I cried in anger for not getting my way.
My self was wounded, my pride has been slain.
There were times I am tempted to betray.
But I cried most in fear you’ll run away.