Take Solace, Valiant Love Fighter

You’ve fought too much. You’ve cried hard enough. You’ve isolated yourself for too long. You’ve believed you can write a good closing to a story with a predetermined bitter end. It’s like reviving a patient with rigor mortis, watering a plant that’s been withered long time ago. Pity yourself, for you have long been chasing pavements, and I am sure I know you know it would lead you nowhere.

It’s about time to rest your laurels and get a good night’s sleep. End this insanity, put down your sword. Wash your face off all those traces of tears you’ve shed futilely. Pick up other tasks to and work on them fiercely. Go back to your Creator and thank Him for everything that happened, how He had saved you from an impending lifetime of misery. Bask in the sunshine and remember how this world is crazy yet oh so lovely. Enjoy the warm glow of other people who actually love you back. Then one morning rest assured you will wake up and it will not hurt anymore.  At that point in time, you will look at this and laugh at how silly you were, and maybe pat yourself at the back for being so brave. I believe someday, you will learn to love again wholly, maybe even more than you did this time.

For now, put in your mind how somewhere Far East they used to repair broken porcelain pieces with pure gold. Yes, that’s what you are. The battle scars will be where the light will shine through thus will give you your own genuinity. The time of lamenting has lapsed. Let the dead be buried. It’s time to let it go, especially if the one you’re fighting for will not, and will never, fight with and for you anymore.

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Alone Again, Wonderful World.

Undergoing quite a difficult time now. My best friend and lover deserted me out of nowhere. I am somehow glad that he has the Lord’s interest for this breakup, but I feel upset that he left me just like that without a proper closure, not even a freaking telephone call! Now, I am left floating and hanging on what to do next. I admit I really loved him, and he is the first man I have ever loved immensely, but I guess I pushed him away by my nagging and by being an extreme worrier. I learned my lesson well; the next time I give my love to someone, I will not hold on to him tight, just right for him to know I am concerned, at the same time I am willing to give him freedom to pursue whatever he wanted.

Still, it really hurt. I wake up in the middle of the night crying after having dreams of him visiting my family, wherein everything is all right, and everything has a happy ending. Am I the only one feeling miserable right now? I guess I am, and I just want this to stop soon, but until then I will never know when I will ever be fully okay again.