Off with her Head!

The first layer being chipped off is how I think I am always right and the other party should always be the one to apologize. It includes how high I regard myself that I refuse to step in other’s shoes and understand their situation well. I never know how to compromise, to submit, to let others win.

If only unlearning selfishness is easy…

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Up on this bridge, I stared at the the direction of your house.
Even if there was nothing there, it made me happy and hurt and regretful
The future we imagined is changing just like the scenery of this town.

– KAT-TUN – Hodoukyou

Many fans revolted when Maakiii, the former female vocalist of HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR, went to the other side of the music spectrum and returned solo to release an electro- single. I myself was aghast to hear her voice severely autotuned and see her awkwardly strut toward the camera in a poppish vibe. However, upon seeing her post that she attended the SUN OF A STARVE live (the new band of her co-vocalist Yusuke), seeing they even posed for a picture, and they had a short exchange expressing recollections of their band, it made me think change is important but amidst the drastic transformations, an element in each of them never left.

KAT-TUN became a four-member band, losing an element of rap in their core. Shigeaki Kato carried on releasing his fourth book of short stories; ARASHI’s Satoshi Ohno had his second art exhibit, Freestyle 2, in Shanghai. Subaru Shibutani of Kanjani 8 delved into acting and from what I have heard, he was awarded Best Actor for “Misono Universe”. His band steadily developed as musicians through associations with other bands on their collaborative TV show. Subaru continuously became adept on harmonica, Yoko on trumpet, and Hina even expressed interest on the accordion. My favorite people were indeed growing up, but they never lost their childish and fancy sides. Take for example Kanjani 8, who are still a bunch of crazy thirty-somethings for dressing up as high school girls and performing as Canjani 8 (Which definitely made me insecure of my femininity). Last but not the least, they made me really happy when I heard their “more matured, rock version” of Zukkoke Otokomichi. (My all-time fave!!) They changed at one point, but they just accepted updates on another.

Come to think of it, How did I update myself?

That Boyfriend Checklist

[Traits I Want on a Potential Husband]
1.) He should be a Christian. If not -that- strictly, benevolence will be one way to show that he believes in God’s commandments.

2.) Not necessarily good-looking, but I want him to be chinky-eyed, with neat hairstyle, tall, fair-skinned, and with well-built yet lean physique. Little definition will do. I HATE BULGING MUSCLES. Eww, scary.

3.) He must have a good sense of style. Need not to be loud, just simple yet catchy. Like he has one accessory that only he has or is rare.

4.) He must be [organized], more [organized] than I do! He must know how to keep things in good shape for a long time (since I tend to break things just by touching them.) and must maintain himself well. He must have sufficient knowledge on repairs, in short a handyman. I like someone who labels stuff, like dates and groupings of things in boxes.

5.) Outgoing yet mysterious (whew, contradictions!) You know, someone whose mind I can psych out. (‘sides, discovery makes one relationship last long. For me at least!) He must have a critical yet open mind, well-read on issues and has opinions of his own. He must be frank but not tactless, must know how to compliment someone sincerely, how to open a good conversation and to listen well when I talk.

6.) He must be sentimental. Seriously, I love men who aren’t afraid to show their vulnerable sides to women, who knows how to cry. (aww, I love frail men. Seeing his heart shatter makes me realize that I really love him and he needs me. Weird, no?) He knows how to relate to music and literature. Preferrably, he makes some poems. (kahit free verse!)

7.) Because I am NOT like these: He must know a lot of places. Hindi [madaling maligaw] kumbaga. He must know how to dance and have the temperance to teach me, must know at least 3 sports, must be patient, must know how to drive a car (duh?!) and must have clear vision. *sniggers*

8.) Because I am like these: He must know how to keep secrets well-hidden and respect someone’s private space, must be optimistic, honest, fond of music and photography, must be computer and/or web literate, must be caring, encouraging, helpful and supportive not only to me but to others as well. Last in this category, having deep reverence to his parents and relatives and humility is a BIG plus point for me.

9.) Someone who has the same ambitions and wants as mine, like to travel, know a foreign language or two, reach Italy, Germany and France, have our own photo or recording studio, and a writing career perhaps, or he’ll support me in mine (if there’ll be any!)

10.) He must not necessarily be TOO showy on his love for me (since I am also not!), but he does make me feel special in a discreet yet striking way. (Hehehe, mababaw lang naman ang kaligayahan ko.) He’s someone who knows how to cook up good surprises on special occasions. When he’s with me, I want him to ACT AS HE IS. (See how guys act all out polite in front of their girlfriends, and when she’s gone, he’ll wish for her to die for being too demanding? PLASTIK!) When we argue, I want him to keep his cool and keep distance for a while until everything “hot” inside is cleared up, and thus we can talk as calmly as we can. I hate naggers and trashers. (Like, I AM supposed to be the nagger here?!)

Lastly, someone who’ll accept me as I am: flaws, flabs and all.

(… With these written, I conclude that I’ll be single for life.)

This was written seven years ago (Hooray for maintaining a blog!!). It is really amusing how specific, materialistic and selfcentered I was. However it made me smile because I found the nonmaterial, necessary traits in a very special person. Thank you, Lord. You really know our heart’s desires. 🙂

Ito na nga ba?

Ito na yata yung pakiramdam na gusto mong suportahan ang isang tao sa mga pangarap niya. Gusto mo siyang alalayan at samahan sa bawat hakbang na gagawin niya. Kapag iniisip mong araw-araw siyang nagsisipag, nagkakaroon ka rin ng inspirasyong pagbutihin ang ginagawa mo.

Ito yung pakiramdam na gusto mo siyang batuhin at sampalin sa sobrang inis dahil may hindi ka gustong ugali o desisyon niya ngunit oras na maglambing siya, maaalala mo rin yung mga dahilan bakit mo siya pinanindigan. Medyo tanga lang kasi makakalimutan mo kung bakit ka nagagalit.

Ito na rin yung pakiramdam na hindi ka makatulog dahil hindi mo malimutan kung gaanong katamis at kaalab siyang humalik. Kahit bugbog na yung tenga mo kakarinig ng papuri ang puso mo naman ay hindi magsawa. Nais mong matulog sa yakap niya. Nais mo lang laging hawakan ang kamay niya.

Ito nga yung pagtataka kung bakit nagagawa mo ang mga bagay na imposible sa karakter mo. Tumatapang ang mahihina ang loob, malambing ang malamig, mapagpasensiya ang hindi matiisin. Kahit lubusang salungat ang inyong ugali, napagbubuklod kayo ng pakikibagay, ng kompromiso. Natututo kang umaruga, umunawa, manindigan, magtanggol.

Hindi mo na maintindihan kung nasaan ang hangganan, dahil ayaw mo na itong magkahangganan pa.

Ito ang pagbibigay na hindi umaasa ng kapalit. Mawala man ang lahat sa iyo, makita mo lang siyang masaya ikaw na ang pinakapinagpalang tao sa mundo. Kahit mahirapan ka pa o madusta kaya mo basta para sa kanya. Kahit malabo at nakakatakot ang kinabukasan, ito ay nagiging malinaw at handa mo itong suungin kung kasama mo siya… at alam mong kahit ano pa ang mangyari, sa ginhawa o gipit, sa sarap at pait, ikaw ay mananatili sa kanyang tabi.

Ito pala iyon. Ito pala ang pag-ibig.

Turnaround.

So I picked up the exact test I took four years ago.

Root: open (25%)
Sacral: open (38%)
Navel: under-active (0%)
Heart: open (44%)
Throat: open (56%)
Third Eye: under-active (12%)
Crown: open (56%)

Imagination (third eye) has decreased as I am now more aware and am able to deal with the present (root). Intimacy, sexuality and passions (sacral) have become comfortable issues. The heart has been opened and the announcement of self (throat) reduced. Self-assertion (navel) has diminished considerably, and the crown percentage decreased a bit, perhaps signifying a shift in wisdom and its source.

I still have so much learn but indeed, too much stuff happened. Oh hi, I’m still alive! 😄

A Response Two Years Later

How will you know if an important person has come into your life? – June 12, 2012

Making someone important is a decision you will let your heart choose. Sounds unusual for someone so rational but I can attest that the heart always emerges victorious no matter how many times you attempt to oppose and reason out. Perhaps it is the gut feeling that leads you to do the unexpected, or it’s that thing called fate that led you at that moment. It indeed is amazing how a stranger worms his way into your consciousness until everything that occurs to you traces back to a faint recollection of his tiniest details.

Remember that night how you searched a friend’s friend (of friends of friends) thoroughly just for his name? How you let him borrow your review book for board exams? Or the mere fact that you first saw each other when he accidentally sat on your right knee during a pictorial session at lunchtime after the Table Meeting, and that he admitted you have left him an indelible impression at that instant? Or how, on your next couple of chats, you managed to tell him the deadly secret that only two of your friends know? And how you managed to talk to him for eight straight hours and still felt it wasn’t enough for you sincerely enjoyed his company?

Congratulations, I believe you finally found him.